Apr 27, 2011
Why Sex? by Natty Soltesz
The following is the introduction that Natty Soltesz wrote for my new book, Blowjob 3:
Why Sex?
I used to hate myself. I didn’t like my body, the moles on my skin, my cotton-candy-esque hair and sunken chest. I hated that I sucked my thumb, that I was self conscious and introverted, that I wasn’t one of those mad-to-live people who supposedly never yawn or say a commonplace thing.
I hated that I was gay, even though I wanted to have gay sex. I thought about gay sex when I watched brief-clad boy butts in the junior high locker room, when I locked myself in my parents’ bathroom and shoved decorative bottles up my butt, when I had AOL M4M cybersex after everyone went to sleep.
So I began to hate that too, this preoccupation with sex. The bitch-nag voices of shame in my mind said “All gay men think or talk about is sex! They always have to shove it in your face! Maybe if they weren’t so obsessed with sex people would have an easier time accepting them!”
All bullshit, to be sure, but even now it’s funny how, for me, self hatred always manages to creep its head around the doorway. For instance, I could point out that a preoccupation with sexuality is hardly reserved for gay men: most of America seems to be the same way (puritanical roots, etc). But then I think “America sucks and I suck for being a dumb American.” Certainly, based on evidence I’ve gleaned from foreign porn sites, straight Canadian men seem to be more willing to play with their buttholes than their American counterparts, but is this any reason to resent one’s cultural identity? (It isn’t, but it is a reason to visit Toronto.)
The facts are there, as absolute as the sun in the sky or the rosy pinkness of a Canadian anus: I’m American. I’m gay. I still suck my thumb. And I am, and ever shall be, fascinated and obsessed by sex.
It’s not always easy, being who you are. It’s nice to have support, friends of a similar bend or, if you prefer, who are similarly bent.
For me, Johnny Murdoc is one of those friends, a kindred spirit. Just look at the stories here, soaked in sex: its permutations, like jacking off a cop or sucking off a straight guy; its representations in print and film; its consequences for public health and civil rights issues. Most importantly, underneath all of Mr. Murdoc’s explorations of queer sexuality is a respect for sex, its wonders and mysteries.
Still, one could reasonably ask, why sex? Why so much of it? After all it’s just biology, a function, the oldest story in the world. Why worry about it? Why hate yourself over it? It’s practically nothing.
Of course, it’s also everything.
Natty Soltesz is the author of the upcoming novel, Backwoods out this summer from Rebel Satori Press, and innumerable gay erotic short stories. You can find him online at http://www.nattysoltesz.com
You can buy Blowjob 3 here.
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